He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
