So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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