2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
