why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
