I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You need Xanax blowdarts
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
