I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
