I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
