allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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