i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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