apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
