That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Four minutes until I can fart!
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
