to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
