My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
