belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
