Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Be still, my beating vagina.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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