worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
