i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize