dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
