careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Someone shattered a urinal.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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