Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
