just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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