I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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