So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
