i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
