plz talk dirty to me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
