matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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