Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
