i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
