there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
