I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
