I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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