So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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