R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
