The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
