We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
i out mim tonsoeep
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