Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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