Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
