he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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