I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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