Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize