I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
