great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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