Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
