this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
