I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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