just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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