I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
