His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
