I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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