your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
