oh god the rape fog is back!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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