you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize