i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
