I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
