Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
