Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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