Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
