I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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