we have officially lost it.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
