so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
