Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
