Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
