there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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