i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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