had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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