yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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