Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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