In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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