sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
