Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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