can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
