i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
